Determination For you not to be Lost
by Uekiten
Summary: Orihime is trying to forget Ichigo. Can she do it? Orihime POV. May be a bit out of character.
1. Chapter 1

Sorry again for the mistakes. Not good in both speaking and writing in English.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Bleach or any of it's wonderful characters.

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It was suppose to be a day of moving on, forgetting and letting go but it all turned out to be the opposite.

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I had decided, yes, I would completely erase him in my mind. I would forget all the things that remind me of him. I would move on for the good even if it means that I shall move to another place and hiding there for the rest of my life or worse even if it means to forget all of my friends.

This is the day, the day that I will say goodbye; the day that will end all this crazy thoughts of mine; the day that I would set him free; the day that I don't know if I could bear.

Let him go- why should I let him go if he isn't mine in the first place? You cannot let a person go if he isn't yours, only the person who owns his heart has the right which is obviously not me. Rukia owns him, Ichigo is all hers.

I really envy her. I hope for just one time I could be like her. She can make Ichigo happy by doing nothing. I think if Ichigo would choose between a picture of me in the loveliest dress and a picture of Rukia in her most embarrassing moment, I think Ichigo would prefer Rukia's. Anything but Rukia will make him happy, will make him smile.

His smile, it is the most beautiful picture that my eyes have perceived, it is the picture that takes my breath away. Unfortunately, I'm not the reason of it. It is hers. Me, I'm just a friend, no right to be jealous and of course no right to be the reason of his smile.

This morning, I gave him a letter.

"Uhmm, Ichigo" I said while playing with my fingers.

"What is it Orihime? Is something wrong?"

"Please accept this!" I cried, handing him the letter.

"Uh, okay."

I never looked at Ichigo. I kept my eyes off him. I don't want to see his expression, what I'm doing now is so humiliating. He would think that I'm courting him or whatsoever! But his voice I could tell that there is suspicion in it. Suspicion? But why? Ohh!! This is so bad! Calm down Orihime, calm down, you're just paranoid.

Nonsense things occupied my mind on that moment. I cannot think normally, all I know is I should do this task for myself. I should think of myself because this past few months all I think about is him. I'm not a strong person. I'm this sensitive girl whose heart is so fragile and and, and I'm not like Rukia.

I took a deep breath and looked at him, I don't know where I got the courage to stare at him but maybe it's when I argued with myself.

"I'll go now, I'm going to meet Tatsuki at the bookstore, she'll be angry if I didn't come on time." I made the most selfish excuse of all, I only think of myself and what's worse is that I got Tatsuki involved in this craziness of mine. I pretended to run but I was surprised when I felt a hand stopped me. When I looked back I saw Ichigo looking at me seriously. I never saw him looked at me like that, his eyes were full of… determination.

"Orihime"

"Y-e-s." I was so damn nervous; I can't stand to be like this with him. Eye to eye with his hand still touching mine. If I could only make the time stop I'll surely do it now and would never make it run again. Ichigo grinned and said

"That's not the way to the bookstore."

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No flames. Review.


	2. Chapter 2

I don't own bleach.

Sorry for the mistakes.

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_Why is it that when you're in love you suddenly turn into a different creature? It's as if you mutate into a monster that is always urging and craving for the love of the one you admires. _

_True, I know a monster._

_She's out of her mind, like a monster that cannot recognize anyone except for his master, the one whom she obeys, the one that she wants to protect and the one whom she always wanted to see smiling. _

_For this monster everything is worthless including herself, her master is the only thing that's important, because for her, her master Is the only reason why she's still existing in this world. _

_All of them left the monster, including her one and only relative. _

_Friends? _

_Yes the monster has friends but the monster thinks she's just a burden to them. _

_She always feels so helpless whenever she is with them; she feels that she can't do anything good. _

_But her master? _

_Her master always makes her feel comfortable. Makes her feel that she's not worthless and makes her feel happy. _

_But then the sad part about this monster is that one day she learned a bitter truth. _

_Her master is also a monster like her, a monster with a different master._

_And just like her, his master's master is the one who's making his master happy. This made the monster cry, she thought that her master would always be the source of her happiness but why did it all turned out like this? Now, her master is the source of the pain that she's feeling, the pain is even worse than the pain that she felt when she was alone. The monster continued to cry until one day she decided to forget her master. She decided to let her master be happy with his master._

_But, when she and her master met one fine afternoon, her mind suddenly changed._

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"That's not the way to the bookstore" he repeated.

I was so damn speechless; I cannot think what excuse I should say. But his hand, ohh, and his grip it's making me so fucking high.

"Orihime, are you alright?" he asked still holding my hand. He stares at me with concern.

_Ooh I must be in heaven! No! No Orihime!You should forget about him! It's not time for this cheesiness of yours!_ I thought to myself.

"I-chi-go I'm" I was going to utter something when a familiar voice suddenly broke on the dull atmosphere that's surrounding us.

"Oi, Ichigo!" it was Rukia running towards us. I immediately withdrew my hand from his grip. I can say that Ichigo was quite shocked of what I have just acted.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to."

"No, no, it's nothing." I said while pretending to smile. "Ohh it's already 5" I looked at my watch. "Tatsuki will be so mad, geez I'm late", again I got my best friend involved to this insanity. I ran to the same wrong direction but he didn't stop me like what he did before. Why am I hoping that he would stop me again? Rukia is there, I'll just come between the two of them.

I was not that far when my feet suddenly stopped moving. My feet moved by itself, well that's what I want to believe but then in reality and I also know (I just deny it) that it is me who really want to go back there, to where he held my hand, my paradise. I then find myself hiding behind a truck near my paradise. I take a look at what they're doing,

_My paradise, it's now my master and his master's paradise._

_I'm out of the picture._

_Tears flow down from the monster's eyes._

**But it's time to face the truth, I will never be with you.**

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I wrote this chapter while listening to James Blunt's You're Beautiful.

Please Review.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Bleach.

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I closed my eyes hoping that once I opened it, the nightmare would be over. However, I was wrong, the moment I opened my eyes, my nightmare just gone worse. The sight hurts me inside and out, it's like my heart would break into pieces, pieces of sorrow. Then the funny thing is that I kept on staring, though it hurts, though it kills me. This is suicide!

_Orihime! Shut your eyes! Why do you kept on staring on the source of your death?!_

I can't help staring, maybe because I want to see if I could bear this kind of pain. I want to test myself if I become stronger or even weaker than before.

"Hey Ichigo, what's that paper?" Rukia said, pointing to my letter.

"Uhh, it's." Ichigo's not yet finish of what he's about to say when Rukia snatched my letter from his hand. Ichigo tried his best to take it back but Rukia didn't gave him a chance.

"OH!" I cried (Aloud). They both looked at the direction on which the sound is coming, which is obviously on the place where I was standing. They looked at me wondering what on earth I'm doing there behind the truck.

"Orihime?" said Rukia. It was a question.

I turned red. I don't know what to do, I can't think of any excuse! I turned my eyes to Ichigo. He looked so shocked, well who would not be? All he knew is that I'm gonna meet Tatsuki at the bookstore, but now here I am eavesdropping at them.

"I thought." Ichigo's voice was so doubtful.

I started to tremble. No! I must act that I don' care, I must act that I haven't seen anything! I'm stronger now so…

I think my eyes absorbed all the sadness in me that it finally gave up. Tears fell from my eyes. Stupid eyes betrayed me! Rukia approached me but I ran, still crying.

_The monster ran for her heart was broken,_

_She cannot accept that her master, to another girl had fallen._

_She's running through every intersection_

_But, all this running of hers have no direction._

_I guess I am not that strong to handle this kind of pain._

_Why am I always ending up in to running? Is that all that I could do?_

_To run? To hide?_

I asked myself while running.

My feet stopped, I looked into the sky and saw Ichigo's face when he stopped me, his face that was full of determination. I argue to myself and ask several questions to know what's really happening. I smiled and realized how awful I was and become because of "love". But then I'm just a victim of this disease, he is also a victim, and all that I can do is to survive, to keep on living for him and to do my best to cure myself.

_I will not forget him_ because I realized that forgetting someone you love is just running, running like a coward. I must face it for the fact that it's already there, inside me and I can't do anything to stop it. I must not let it ruin me and even hate myself!

I saw a doughnut shop on my way, I entered there, I want to treat myself for that wonderful realization.

A/N: Sorry if I didn't update soon, I was really busy this past few days. And sorry if this chapter is kind of rushed and short, I don't really have enough time to do something better and longer.

Thank you and please review.


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